This past week at school has been so difficult. I was so excited to begin, to meet my students, to impact lives, to implement new strategies and revised materials. I was so ready to go back, and so thankful for my renewed state of mind and vision. But from the first moment back, work was so unexpectedly difficult. From the unfinished classrooms, to the frustrating in-services, from the unorganized meetings to the inconsiderate and undeveloped policies, from the lack of support in the literacy class to the lack of time for preparations, from the technology difficulties to the difficult schedules, this has been the hardest first week of school I have experienced. I find it so hard to respect decisions that seem so inconsiderate of the needs of the students and teachers. And on top of the lack of support I feel in so many areas, I have been feeling so out of control in my own classroom. I am not used to feeling out of control. I’m used to working hard and being prepared and being successful. But all of my work and preparations mean nothing when the technology doesn’t work or the classroom isn’t ready or the schedule is changed unexpectedly. I feel so powerless. I can’t fix it. I just have to accept it. All in all, this week has been a very humbling experience.
Break down my pride and ego. Tear down my idols of reputation and competence. I hate not being in control, I hate not being able to fix a situation, I hate not being able to work hard and see results. Break down this reliance on my own abilities. Help me to rely on You.
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